Laugh It Up
Mar 31st, 2008 | By | Category: Laugh it upThree FASTEST means of Communication :
1. Tele-Phone
2. Tele-Vision
3. Tell to Woman
Need a still FASTER mean – Tell her NOT to tell ANYONE.
Once all the scientists die and go to heaven. They decide to play hide-n-seek. Unfortunately Einstein is the one who has the den. He is supposed to count upto 100 and then start searching for the others..
Everyone starts hiding except Newton.
Newton just draws a square of 1 meter and stands in it right in front of Einstein. Einstein's counting 1,2,3…97,98,99…100. He opens his eyes and finds Newton standing right in front of him. Einstein says "Newton's out…Newton's out…"
Newton denies it and says, "I am not out and I am not Newton."
All the scientists come out to see how he proves that he is not Newton. Newton says "I am standing in a square of area 1 m squared which makes me Newton per meter squared, and since one Newton per meter square is a Pascal, I'm Pascal, therefore Pascal is OUT."
A little boy went into a drug store, reached for a soda carton and pulled it over to the telephone.He climbed onto the carton so that he could reach the buttons on the phone and proceeded to punch in seven digits. The store-owner observed and listened to the conversation:
The boy asked, "Lady, Can you give me the job of cutting your lawn?"
The woman replied, "I already have someone to cut my lawn."
"Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price of the person who cuts your lawn now," replied the boy.
The woman responded that she was very satisfied with the person who was presently cutting her lawn.
The little boy found more perseverance, and offered, "Lady, I'll even sweep your curb and your sidewalk, so on Sunday you will have the prettiest lawn in all of North Palm beach, Florida."
Again the woman answered in the negative. With a smile on his face, the little boy replaced the receiver.
The store-owner, who was listening to all this, walked over to the boy and said, "Son, I like your attitude; I like that positive spirit and would like to offer you a job."
The little boy replied, "No thanks, I was just checking my performance with the job I already have. I am the one who is working for that lady, I was talking to!"
Smoke a Cigar daily – You will die 10 years early.
Love Someone Truly – You will die daily.
A foolish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man tells her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.
One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption :
Before Marriage – Drink whenever you are SAD
After Marriage – Drink whenever you are HAPPY
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She reduced altitude and spotted a man below.
She descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am."
The man below replied "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist. "I am," replied the man.
"How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip even more."
The man below responded, "You must be in management."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the man, "You don't know where you are or where you're going.You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems!"
BOTTOM LINE: Just imagine the plight of the management guys who are basically engineers…
