A group of miscreants set fire to a farmers haystack, and the fire then spread to his barn.
While he surveyed the loss, his wife called their insurance company
and asked them to send a check for Rs. 3,000,000 the amount of insurance on the barn.
“We don’t give you the money,” a company official explained.
“We replace the barn and all the equipment in it.”
“In that case,” replied the wife, “cancel the policy I have on my husband.”

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The manager of a large office asked a new employee to come into his office.

"What is your name?" was the first thing the manager asked.
"John," the new guy replied.

The manager scowled. "Look, I don't know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked at before, but I don't call anyone by their first name! It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority," he said. "I refer to my employees by their last name only – Smith, Jones, Baker – that's all. Now that we have got that straight, what is your last name?"

The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. My name is John Darling."

The manager said, "Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you…"

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A group of miscreants set fire to a farmers haystack, and the fire then spread to his barn.
While he surveyed the loss, his wife called their insurance company
and asked them to send a check for Rs. 3,000,000 the amount of insurance on the barn.
“We don’t give you the money,” a company official explained.
“We replace the barn and all the equipment in it.”
“In that case,” replied the wife, “cancel the policy I have on my husband.”

---

 A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged,
balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love"
stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them.
He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
Curiouos, the guy goes up to the balding man
and asks him what he is doing. The man says,
"I'm sending out 1,000 I Love You cards signed, 'Guess who?'"

"But why?" asks the guy.

He said," I'm a divorce Lawyer."

---

Little, five year old, Johnny was in the bath tub, and his mom was washing his hair.

She said to him, "Wow, your hair is growing so fast! You need a haircut again."

Little Johnny replied, "Maybe you should stop watering it so much."

---

For weeks a six-year-old boy kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.

One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the coming of the baby.

Curious, the teacher finally asked the boy one day, "Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?"

The boy burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!"

---

Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who managed to get the most out of his computer. This had been going on for days and God, was tired of hearing all of the bickering.
God said, "Cool it. I am going to set up a test that will run two hours and I will judge who does the better job."
So, down sat Jesus and Satan at the keyboards and typed away. 

They did spreadsheets, they wrote reports, they sent faxes, they sent out e-mail, they sent out e-mail with attachments, they downloaded, they did some genealogy reports, they made cards, they did every known job. But just a few minutes before the two hours were up, a lightening flashed across the sky. The thunder rolled and the rains came down hard. And of course the electricity went off.
Satan was upset. He fumed and fussed and he ranted and raved, all to no avail. The electricity stayed off. But after a bit, the rains stopped and the electricity came back on. Satan screamed, "I lost it all when the power went off. What am I going to do? What happened to Jesus' work?"
Jesus just sat and smiled.

Again Satan asked about the work that Jesus had done. As Jesus turned his computer back on the screen glowed and when he pushed "print it", it was all there.

"How did he do it?" Satan asked.

 God smiled and said, "Jesus Saves."

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