“I have to have a raise,” the man said to his boss. “There are three other companies after me.”
“Is that so?” asked the manager.
“What other companies are after you?”
“The electric company, the telephone company, and the gas company,” said the man.

The CEO was scheduled to give the keynote address at an important convention so he asked one of his top employees, John, to write a punchy, 20 minute speech for him. When the CEO returned from the big event, he was furious. “What’s the idea of writing me an hour long speech?!”? he demanded.
“Half the audience walked out before I was finished.”
John was baffled. “I wrote you a 20 minute speech,” he replied. “I also gave you the two extra copies you asked for.”

Boss (to the new employee): “We are very keen on cleanliness. Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in?”
?New employee: “Yes, sir.”
Boss: “We are also keen on truthfulness. There is no mat.”

The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together to ask which one should have the present.
“Who is the most obedient?” he asked. “Who never talks back to mother? Who does everything she says?”
Five small voices answered in unison, “Okay, daddy, you get the toy.”

Mother : “What are you writing Ram?”
Ram : “I’m writing a Letter to Baby Sham”
Mother : “But you don’t know to write!”
Ram : “So What?, Sham doesn’t know how to read either.”

A man was sitting in a bar and noticed a group of people using sign language. He also noticed that the bartender was using sign language to speak to them. When the bartender returned to him, the man asked how he had learned to use sign language. The bartender explained that these were regular customers who had taught him to sign. The man thought that was great. A few minutes later, the man noticed that the people in the group were waving their hands around very wildly. The bartender looked over and signed, “Now cut that out! I warned you!” and threw the group out of the bar. The man asked why he had done that, and the bartender said, “If I told them once, I’ve told them a 100 times — NO SINGING IN THE BAR!”

Two college students, Frank and Matt, are riding on a New York City subway when a beggar approaches them asking for spare change.
Frank adamantly rejects the man in disgust. Matt, on the other hand, whips out his wallet, pulls out a couples of singles and gladly hands them over to the beggar with a smile. The beggar thanks him kindly and then continues on to the other passengers. Frank is outraged by his friend’s act of generosity. “What on earth did you do that for?” shouts Frank. “You know he’s only going to use it on drugs or booze.”
Matt replies, “And we weren’t?”

A college drama group presented a play in which one character would stand on a trapdoor and announce, “I descend into hell!” A stagehand below would then pull a rope, the trapdoor would open, and the character would plunge through. The play was well received. When the actor playing the part became ill, another actor who was quite overweight took his place. When the new actor announced, “I descend into hell!” the stagehand pulled the rope, and the actor began his plunge, but became hopelessly stuck. No amount of tugging on the rope could make him descend. One student in the balcony jumped up and yelled: “Hallelujah! Hell is full!”